Living as a Couple in Japan

Just a quick entry to draw your attention to something you may not have considered:

Whether your partner is Japanese or gaijin, you might come across some problems living together prior to marriage in some rural areas of Japan.

When I moved here with my fellow English-jin woman we were told to lie to the Board of Education about our marital status. "Say you're engaged" said our boss. And that's no small deal. In Japan that's basically unofficial marriage. Japanese women are not interested in a long engagement.

We did what she advised because she said we may not be able to live together if we didn't. It was very strange 9 months later when we actually did get engaged and had to keep it a secret from the BoE. They did find out though, and just looked a bit confused. It's possible our (now fired) boss was just a bit batty.

Nevertheless, living together is a big deal here. A lot (a lot) of people don't leave home until they are married, and then move straight into the marital home (or husband's family-home). Not that anyone will consider you a proper person for a long time anyway, but beware of getting funny looks for your living situation.

Also, if you're living in kyoinjutaku (teacher's housing), some backwards countryside BoEs might not let you live together (as such) and give you two houses.

If you live in a big city, virtually none of this applies.

If you have any experience of this sort of thing, please let us know in the comments box below.

Worksheet Sunday: Gesture -ing (First Grade JHS 12-13yo)

This is an activity to practice using the (verb)ing form.

Those of you using New Crown will find this in Chapter 7.

This game will fill about 30 minutes, and is best for groups of four students (more is okay). The second part will last a further 10 minutes or so.

Part one is the meat of the lesson, part two is optional.

Part one - gesturing

• Print and cut out these gesture cards (save a copy from the preview for correct formatting). You need enough to give each student three,
• The cards contain a short statement using verb+ing, e.g. "Playing soccer",
• In groups (4 to 6 students), one student stands and gestures their action,
• Other students in the group must put their hands up. The first person to do so is chosen by the gesturing students,
• They must ask "Are you playing soccer?" etc,
• If they guess right, they get to keep the action card (presented with a "Here you are"),
• Continue round the group in a clockwise direction,
• The winner is the student with the most action cards when time is up.

Part two

• Karuta
• Groups keep their action cards, and place them face up on the desks (all desks should face into one another to make a square/rectangle),
• You shout out the words from your list (the 21 action cards), and students have to be the first to grab them off the desks,
• Winner has the most cards at the end,
• You can do this a few times if you like.

Cleaning Time in School

Before I could finish my post on school lunches the other day I had to break for cleaning time.

Cleaning is a pain. Not because of my laziness, but because it's almost pointless. There are two stages - sweeping and wiping. The sweeping is fine, if not the most efficient way of removing the dust that gathers everywhere in Japan (with a broom that slowly disintegrates with daily use). The wiping, however, is a joke.

It's not limited only to schools. Companies, too, will break from their work schedule to dunk a filthy cloth in filthy water and then push it across a filthy floor (you've probably seen in anime students pushing a cloth along the floor at speed).

Sure, no extra people have to be employed for what only takes 15 minutes of group effort, but surely a country as advanced as this one could come up with a better system. I force the sweeping to take extra long (damnit, I will gather the most dust in history today, even if most of it is bits of my broom) just to postpone the stinkhand that my stagnant cloth gives me.

Actually, recently I've managed to avoid the wiping all together due to the kids currently on duty in the teacher's room. 50% of my time is spent forcing them to clean properly. That's life!

Don't forget to don your tenegui; a pointless bandanna. Not sure why. It's the Japanese way.




As always, comments are welcome.

Apartment Layouts

Japanese apartment layouts are described with handy little keyphrases like "1K" or "2LDK." The first number indicates the number of bedrooms, or rooms that are completely separate from the kitchen area. The second set of letters indicates how large the kitchen area is.

A K is just a Kitchen, with enough space to hold a sink, stovetop, some food preparation area, a refrigerator, and a microwave. You probably won't squeeze a table into a K area and will end up eating meals inside the bedroom instead. A DK is a Dining-Kitchen combo. The area for food preparation is large and there is enough floor space to accommodate a table and two or three chairs. An LDK is a Living-Dining-Kitchen combo. There is enough area for a dining table, a small couch, and a television.


A typical 1K layout might look like this:

1. The size of the apartment is indicated in the top-right corner.
2. Note how the toilet and bath are separate from each other. This is not always the case in Japan, but it is considered a desirable trait of an apartment by Japanese.
3. The kitchen area. Since this is a 1K, the kitchen is barely large enough to hold a refrigerator, microwave, stovetop, sink, and one person preparing food. There is no room here for a table or chair.
4. The main room of the 1K apartment. 洋室 (youshitsu) means "Western Style Room." This style of room usually has wood or faux-wood flooring. The other common option is 和室 (washitsu), or "Japanese Style Room," which has tatami flooring. (Read more on flooring options.) The number underneath indicates the size of the room in a traditional Japanese unit of measurement, the 帖 (jou). One 帖 is equivalent to one traditionally sized tatami mat, or about 1.65 square meters, or about 18 square feet.

Related:
Apartment Criteria
Housing Guide

Getting a Japanese Driving Licence

Driving in Japan is easy. Doing so legally is not so easy.

The good news is that if you are already a licence holder then you have little to fear - the process is very straightforward.

First things first. If you come to Japan with an International Driving permit, which you should be able to process in your home country with the Automobile Association, you can drive for up to one year.

• Even better news for those of you from a select list of countries - including Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, New Zealand, South Korea, Spain, Switzerland and the United Kingdom - is that all you need to do is take an eye test and provide a translation of your home country licence to get a full Japanese one. Beware that you must have been living in your country of issue for at least three months after passing your driving test (though no actual additional driving experience is required).
• Slightly less lucky are those from countries such as the USA, China and Brazil. You guys must, in addition to the above, take a written and a practical test. The written is easy once you understand the way the questions are phrased, but the practical will almost certainly cause you massive headaches. It is not uncommon to fail several times for no apparent reason.
• And least lucky of all are those of us who came out here with no licence whatsoever!
• I failed my UK driving test a couple of days before leaving the country, arriving here five months later with no licence at all. After the first year I realised I would be here for quite a long time, and decided it was time to get qualified.

Below is the process for people like me to get a licence from scratch:

For a country so incredibly bad at it, Japan is very finicky about driving. Everyone who wants a Japanese driving licence (apart from those listed above) must enroll at driving school (not strictly true, see a future post for, albeit stressful, alternatives). Here you will spend an insane amount of time and money, especially if you require an English-language service.

There are several driving schools that offer English services, though nowhere near enough to be convenient. I had to travel 300km and sleep in a dorm room for three weeks solid to achieve my licence... and that's the fastest time possible.

The course takes the following structure:

Stage one
Driving round a purpose-built toytown at the driving school for around 12 hours, and spending about the same time in a classroom watching badly narrated videos. Ends with a 10 minute driving test and 50 minute written test.

Stage two
Driving in the real world for 22 hours or so, and a further 14 hours in the classroom. Followed by a 25 minute driving test and 2 hour written test (which must be done in your prefecture).

The good thing about a driving school is that you are almost guaranteed to pass the practical side of things. I did my test with two other people in the car, and we switched around after each test. One of them was really bad and made loads of mistakes, but she still passed. She didn't even get scolded.

One last thing to note...
...is that most cars in Japan are automatic transmission. A manual licence costs about an additional 30,000yen, but may be worth it if you're returning to a country like the UK, where manual is the norm. This can be added to an existing Japanese licence for a similar price and only a few hours at the school.

In my next post I'm going to write about the various driving school options available. Click here to read.

School Lunch in Japan

This "5 random school lunches" entry will show you exactly what we get fed at school in a typical week, but for now let's have a look at how lunchtime works.

In my school, the children of my weekly host class come and collect me and my (weird) food from the teacher's room. Then we go to their class and I sit around for ages while they serve each other. Then we say いただきます (itadakimasu) and eat in about 5 minutes, then sit around waiting for the end-of-eating chime. This is usually 5+ minutes of loneliness.

It has become even less fun than it sounds.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. But if they ever work up the courage to speak to me it's just to ask what my favourite colour is, how tall I am and if I have a girlfriend. I've taught them for 18 months, they know this stuff already.

Talking Japanese to them just makes them laugh... :(

When the bell rings we say our いただきました (itadakimashita), "wash" our plates and bowls with 100ml of water and a pair of chopsticks and then go our separate ways. Then everyone except me brushes their teeth. I don't brush mine directly after eating because dentists say it's bad for your teeth.

Milky rice-fed anecdote rant:

• Lunch comes with 200ml of milk. I don't drink it because I have an allergy, but it took several months for that to be accepted by my school. They said they couldn't cancel my order without a doctor's note. I couldn't get one for various reasons; mostly being almost as far away from my doctor as is physically possible. In the end I appealed to the Board of Education who told them to stop being so stupid and not order me it.
  It may sound petty, but that saves me about 12,000yen a year. Plus I don't drink it for God's sake. I'm not sure why they made such a big deal about it, but it seems that being just like everyone else is a very important part of school life. On that subject, let me recommend an excellent book: Becoming Japanese: The World of the Pre-School Child by Joy Hendry. Check out our recommended book page for more info.
• And another thing. I try to keep to a pretty strict diet, not to mention that a mountain of rice midday makes me very sleepy. I started to give away most or all of my rice (and bread) every day to hungry looking students. Then one day a teacher complained about me! The same day the Head Of Teachers came to have serious words with me about being in Japan and having to do things the Japanese way. Apparenly that extends to overeating at lunchtime. "I'm on a diet," I said, to which he responded "The government told us that eating rice at lunchtime will not make us fat." WHAT??

Two of my friends here have gone as far as to actually take their own lunch to school, though this is definitely frowned upon and is not recommended. Nevertheless, at my school there's a gaijin student (born here) who brings her own lunch every day. I get the strong impression that she's a bit segregated for various things like that which she does differently. More so, perhaps, than for her skin tone. Her parents seem like very smart people, but for some reason they've made this massive error in judgement which is only enforcing the very Japanese idea that "foreign" people and Japanese people are completely different.

Anyway, that's the end of the rant and hopefully you've learned something about working in a school in Japan.

PS: On some occasions (like sports day or something) when there is no school lunch, the teachers order bento boxes and eat in the staff room. They suck.

Moving to Japan

Thinking of moving to Japan? If you are an engineer working for Toyota or Boeing and being sent abroad, rest assured. You will live like royalty in American-style housing set up by your company through a relocation agent. The rents on two- or three-bedroom American style apartments or homes in expat towns of Nagoya or Tokyo run in the $2500-7000 per month category.

If you are an English teacher, you will probably be closer to the $300-600 per month category. For this price, you can stay in a nice, clean "1K" apartment
(explained below), but it will be small, with only one or two rooms, a kitchen, and a (often separate) toilet and shower/bath area. The area of the apartment will be somewhere around 250-350 square feet, which means the whole apartment could fit inside the master bedroom of a lot of American homes.

First-timers in Japan will have everything set up for them by their company. Often, a English school will keep an apartment constantly rented (and maybe partially furnished) for that school. Whoever happens to be teaching at that school at a given time lives in that apartment. If your company provides this kind of housing and subsidizes it, there can be perks. The building won't be as clean or new, but you'll get away with $100-200 rent per month. On the other hand, if your company "provides" this kind of housing but still makes you pay $500+, be a little wary; the place should either be fairly nice or they should offer a reasonable explanation of why you can't choose from multiple locations. Often this will boil down to [LINK]guarantor issues.

If you have more experience in Japan, or if you are moving from one job inside the country to another, you might get the thrilling experience of choosing your own apartment!

Accommodation: Love Hotels

A common mistake that people can make for years in Japan is thinking that love hotels are sleazy whorehouses. Actually, a love hotel may be one of the nicest places you will ever stay in, and can also be a wise choice on a low to mid-range budget.


I first came to Japan in 2008 with my girlfriend at the end of a five month backpacking adventure. When we finally arrived in Tokyo we stayed in a love hotel. It was stunning, and not only when compared to the insect ridden hell-holes of the continent.

For 7,000yen we had a beautiful room, huge flatscreen TV, jacuzi, large comfortable bed, room service and a vending machine. Okay, so the vending machine had (as well as beer and chuhais) dildos and lube, and the TV was precisely 50% porn (every other chanel), but there was nothing sleazy about the setup... except that when we came in we had to choose our room from a rouge-lit vending machine and then hand our money shiftily underneath a blind at the counter. But that was for our own privacy, not to hide anything perverse... or at least I hope so.

For the Japanese, the tradition of living with your elders must be a complete nightmare. I can't imagine spending most of my adult life looking after either a grandparent or a parent. It has to be a real strain on the brain. No privacy at all, and interfering old boots sticking their oar into your business all the time. At least that's how it looks to outsiders. In fact, a good friend of ours who is 28 still lives with her parents. Not only that, but she has a curfew (22:30) which will be lifted when and only when she gets married, and she isn't allowed to stay the night at ours because her mother hasn't met us. Anyway...

The common evaluation of love hotels is as a temporary antidote for this. Instead of being cooped up inside with the parents/inlaws, the young (or not so young) Japanese can spend the night in luxury with their hot friend. Sure, they're geared towards sexy times, but because they are so common and so popular, there's no stigma or shame in their use.

Not only that, but they are almost always significantly cheaper than a comparable hotel. The only catch is that you need to check in after a certain time for a full night's stay, or else leave very early. Generally the deal is a 4-hour "rest" for between 3,500 and 6,000yen, or a full 12-hour "stay" for upwards of 7-8,000 depending on luxuries.

One time my girlfriend and I stayed in a place which had an electronic massage chair, karaoke machine, Playstation, 72-inch TV, steam-room jacuzzi and well stocked mini-bar for 13,000yen. Nice.

There are also various themed hotels. The other day I drove passed one in Maebashi, Gunma called TARZAN, which was draped in foliage and thick vines. I wanted so badly to go in, but I would have felt a bit odd on my own midday on a Monday. But probably no-one would have batted an eyelid, and that's one of the great things about staying in places like that. They are completely non-judgemental. The attitude towards sex in this country is liberating compared to my native UK.

And what better than not having to worry about finding your hostel/hotel at night after a few too many biirus . Get tanked up in a well populated area of Tokyo and find yourself surrounded by neon signs for a good night's rest at a decent price. No booking necessary (or possible).

One word of caution, however, is that sometimes you are required to use a computer to pay and exit your room. Usually this will not be in English. Randomly pressing buttons will get you out eventually, just make sure you aren't paying for 18 weeks in there at the same time.

So, if you have some kind of problem with people thinking you may be one of those individuals whom occasionally dabbles in S-E-X then you may well be turned off going to a love hotel. The rest of us, however, will just enjoy the novelty!

Other accommodation solving problems for the less-than-squeamish involve what I call "wank-booths". Read about them here. Other budget options include the famous Capsule Hotels, Youth Hostels and the entirely-free Couch Surfing.

Other posts in this series:

• Love Hotels
• Sleeping in Internet Cafes
• Capsule Hotels
• Youth Hostels
• Couch Surfing
• Budget Hotels

Contraception in Japan

The leading choice for contraception in Japan is condoms, the second most popular (almost 20%) being pulling out, followed by the rythm method. The pill languishes in last place with an audience of just over 2% of the female population (vs. 18% in the US, 25% in the UK and 52% in Germany, for example).

Not surprisingly, this leads to a fairly large number of abortions. 28% of the 300,000 or so women who underwent abortions last year claimed not being married as the primary reason.

Reportedly a large number of Japanese women don't consider contraception to be their responsibility, and are put-off by the price and stories of horrible side-effects. In fact, when the pill was introduced a survey showed that 70% of women would never consider trying it.

However, it's strange that a country so lax with protecting themselves during sex isn't flooded with children. Japan's aging population is a constant worry, and no amount of sex-standing-up contraception seems to be helping. Although the number of abortions sounds high, it's still less than half of those of the US or UK.

It's also true that an increased use of the pill is usually coupled with an increase in life-threatening STDs like HIV.

Anyway, this is starting to get too complex for AccessJ! Here are the rules on contraception in Japan:

• The Pill
  There are strict rules on bringing the pill into the country. It must be prescribed to you, and you're only allowed two months' supply. My girlfriend tried to bring more than that and had her parcel got stopped at customs waiting for her permission to destroy the contents. They wouldn't even send it back to England.
  You can get prescribed it here by an obstetrician and it costs about 3000yen per month, and you have to go back every three months for a check-up (not free).
  I recently found a great article about the types of Pill available in Japan.
• Depo-provera is not permitted.
  You can't bring it with you, and no-one will import it or inject you with it even with a prescription. However, there are similar shots available. Ask a gynecologist.
• Contraception patches
  There are several types of estrogen-only patches available (on insurance).
• Gels
  Several types containing both progestogen and estrogen.
• Condoms
  Japanese condoms are okay, but (it's not a joke) they will not always fit Western men comfortably. They may also come off more easily than what you're used to. There are several shops in the big cities that sell all sizes and shapes. Look for The Condom Store, Condomania or places like that.
• The morning-after pill
  Is very expensive (10,000yen and up) and not covered by health insurance, though I have heard of it going for only 3,000yen in Okinawa. It's referred to as the "aafutaa piru" and you need to see a gynecologist to get one. International clinics will also prescribe it to you if necessary.

Sources:

http://iussp2005.princeton.edu/download.aspx?submissionId=51736

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/nn20091020i1.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/08/20/health/main637523.shtml

Any other methods or comments? Add them to the comments below.

Apartment Criteria (Inside)

A continuation of last week's post on criteria to consider when choosing an apartment.
This time, we'll look at the up-front costs of renting properties and internal amenities.

Deposits:
Japanese landlords are infamous for requiring huge amounts of deposit money as 敷金 (shikikin) and 礼金 (reikin). Because 3 or 4 months' worth of rent is a considerable amount of money, the deposit on an apartment is as important to consider as its monthly rent. "No deposit" properties are in vogue in Japan now, so if you don't like what one agent offers, look for another who advertises with the words 敷金礼金０ (shikikin reikin zero)!

Guarantor:
An increasing number of apartments in Japan are doing away with the traditional [LINK]guarantor requirement. These apartments are much more accessible for foreign residents who do not have established family members in Japan. But, it is likely that you are actually "paying" for the guarantor in the form of increased rent to pay for insurance or compensate the landlord for his assumed risk.

Flooring:
In the apartment layout, information should be provided about the styling of each room. Western style rooms usually have wood or faux-wood paneling on the floors. Japanese style rooms have tatami floors. Apartments with Japanese style rooms are losing popularity, so it might be possible to save some money if you don't mind living with tatami.

Bath & Toilet Separate:
This is a deal-breaker for many Japanese. Traditionally, the bathtub and restroom facilities in Japan have been separate. Some very compact apartments offer a "unit bath" setup, which means the tub, toilet, and sink are all contained within a single closet-sized space. Apartments with this setup are slightly cheaper.


Air Conditioning:
If you live anywhere below Hokkaido, and you were born and raised anywhere away from the equator, you will probably require an air conditioner to withstand central and southern Japan's terribly hot, humid summers. An apartment listed as エアコン付き (air con{ditioning} included) usually has a temperature control unit that can both cool the room in summer and warm the room in winter.

Washing Machine:
Not all apartments provide space and hookups for washing machines. Apartments with this feature are labeled 洗濯機置場あり (sentaku okiba ari). The spot for the machine can be inside the apartment (室内, shitsunai) or outside (室外, shitsugai). For an outside spot, you might need to purchase a more rugged model of washing machine that won't collect rainwater or rust.

High Speed Internet/TV:
Japan is a very wired society, and most apartments will offer hookups for internet and TV. Specific questions to ask are what kind of internet is available (are fiber optics wired to the building?) and what providers are available (is the building only serviced by one provider?). The cost of internet will probably not be included in rent. TV should be available for free. As of 2011, Japan will be switching to digital only broadcasts (地デジ, chi deji), and only apartment buildings with properly updated antennae will be able to receive these signals.

Other:
Pets - most rental properties in Japan prohibit them; if you want to keep a pet you must search for an apartment with that requirement out front
Female Only - a few apartment complexes enforce this policy, oftentimes in the area around a women's college; it is offered on the grounds of safety and cleanliness
Furnished - in principle, assume that the apartment has no furnishings beyond a sink, shower, and toilet. Some apartments near universities may come partially furnished, and the new real estate company Leopalace21 specializes in fully furnished apartments.

Back:
Apartment Criteria (Outside)

Related:
Housing Guide

Japanese Hot Springs: Onsen

When I first arrived in Japan, our boss took my girlfriend and I to a local onsen. It was a little embarrassing. Not because my privates were twenty feet longer than everyone elses, but because I accidentally ditched the guy when I got in there.

First of all, sexes separated, presumably to avoid boner-issues. Then we went and undressed. When I had finished unravelling myself I couldn't locate the Japanese guy anymore. I wandered into the bath room and looked around. I saw a selection of old Japanese men, none of which I had come with, and a sphincter: some guy was bent over double pointing his right at me. "huh," I promptly thought, and sat down to wash facing the other direction.

Well, it turns out the anus belonged to my boss. I guess I came across like a scared gaijin intimidated by naked nationals. To top it all after that I lost him again, so I went and got in the hot pool outside, only to find he'd gone and sat inside. Whatevs... He got fired 6 months later so never mind. That's life.


The score

An onsen is a hot spring. Some are natural, many are not (i.e. just regular hot water). I live in Nagano prefecture, which is pretty famous for them. I don't think there's anything particularly theraputic or special about the water (although the Japanese insist it), but some of the views from them are stunning. Most onsen in pretty areas are perched in the hills and have huge glass walls looking out over the vicinity. Very relaxing.

Onsen that are more than basic have several pools in various combinations. Usually one hot one (around 45 degrees C) and a cold plunge pool. Often there will be a pool outside, too, which is especially nice when it's really cold out there, or snowing. Sometimes there is a "special" one - collagen or some aphrodisiac or something.

Also you may find a sauna or steam room, often up around 90 degrees C. Take your friends and try to out-man them. Then get in the cold pool afterwards. I've never been so happy or comfortable to be in cold water.

Instructions

Pay your 500yen, take off your clothes, sit down, get all soapy, wash it off and get in the water. After a couple of minutes you will probably want to get out. The heat itself is okay, but the relentless steam up the nose can't be good for you, and always makes me feel a bit odd unless I'm outside. Get out, wander about flapping your huge western bodyparts, then get back in. Then, if you're me, get a bit bored, restless and confused as to why you really came in the first place...

Then the tradition is to drink milk, for some reason. I don't know why, but it does taste really good afterwards.



Update: last month I managed to find a private onsen in a beautiful ryoukan in Kyoto. I went with my girlfriend and had a very relaxing time. Maybe I just haven't been able to relax properly in the past.

Top 10 Dirty Japanese Phrases

Dirty Japanese is fun for all the family. I bought it last year, and since then about a dozen of my friends, both gaijin and Japanese have fallen in love with it's collection of... Dirty Japanese Phrases!

For the uninitiated, it’s a phrasebook containing useful to casual to very casual to vulgar, words and phrases. It's about as close to an encyclopedia of Japanese swear words as possible.

I made a post of 10 Very Dirty Japanese Phrases, but decided to let you discover those on your own and elected to list 10 family-friendly ones instead. So, in no particular order:

1. こんにちは、私はナンシーと言います、アル中です。
   Konnichiwa, watashi wa nanshii to iimasu, aru chuu desu.
   Hello, my name's Nancy and I'm an alcoholic.
   
   
2. ここは韓国？だって犬の味がするんだもん。
   Koko wa kankoku? Datte inu no aji ga surunda mon.
   Is this Korea? ‘Cos this shit tastes like dog.
   
   
3. やべー、お前、今日は自爆テロのようなオナラだな！
   Yabee! omae kyou wa jibaku tero no you na onara da na!
   Damn! You're like a suicide bomber with your gas today!
   
   
4. ヤバいゲリしてる。
   Yabai geri shiteru.
   I’ve got nasty diarrhea.
   
   
5. おしっこしたい。
   Oshikko shitai.
   I wanna go peepee.
   
   
6. 外人だからサツに怪しまれてばっかりだ。
   Gaijn dakara satsu ni ayashimarete bakkari da. :(
   The cops keep picking on me because I’m a foreigner. :(
   
   
7. サツが来るぞ。知らんぷりしろ。
   Satsu ga kuru zo. Shiranpuri shiro.
   The pigs are coming. Act like you don’t know shit.
   
   
8. 手に小便をかけちゃった。
   Te ni shounben o kakachatta.
   I pissed all over my hands.
   
   
9. 昨日なんか、べろんべろんになって電車の中でナンパしまくり。
   Kinou nanka beron beron ni natte densha no naka de nanpa shimakuri.
   Yesterday I got so wasted I was hitting on girls on the train.
   
   
10. 彼女はひどい歯ぎしりするから別れることにしたんだ。
    Kanojo wa hidoi hagishi suru kara wakareru ni shitanda.
    I dumped her 'cos she grinds her teeth like crazy.

I could easily list another 100 phrases, but I can smell my dinner cooking (and they might turn your stomach). Here's one more bonus word for you, though: 三こすり半 (mikosurihan) - literally three and a half strokes (premature ejaculation).

Anyway, that’s a sample of one of the best books you can buy to build up fun vocab! There are also more serious lists of words that will allow you to piece together some kind of conversation about food, fashion, travel, etc. And for those of us who already know the basics, there are some very useful examples of casual ways of saying common things.

You'll have to buy the book for the full rundown of Japanese rude words! And if you’re tempted to buy it, why not do it through this site and help us replace the panes in our flimsy Japanese paper doors?!

Dirty Japanese: Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"
by Matt Fargo. Buy: .co.uk / .com / .co.jp