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Thursday, 19 May 2011

This guy saw some programs on TV about underage girls who run away from home, a social issue that gets significant media attention in Japan, and now he's got some questions about them. It's for research purposes. Purely out of curiosity. Promise.


On TV recently there is a lot of coverage about girls who run away from home. Are there any people like that in Tokyo?
Like, they lived in the countryside, but being at home was unbearable so they come to Tokyo. Then not having anywhere to go they stay with men, moving from place to place in exchange for their bodies.



Yeah there's a ton of them.
If you hang out downtown in like
 Shibuya or Shinjuku you'll see.

By the way, 
there are like 
100,000 missing persons reports filed every year,
and most of them are from underaged kids 
running away from home.



They probably run away after finding someone to stay with online, right?
But, when things don't work out with that person they're left hanging.
Or, like, they were living with their boyfriend but broke up or something.


The reason they can't stand being at home is something like the parents got divorced and the kid is left to fend for herself, or there's stress from living with a new stepparent, or there's too many kids in the family and so they're desperate for attention, etc.


I don't think they're selling their bodies for a place to stay. It's more like the two of them are just using each other.


And, it's not just limited to Tokyo. The big city just makes for a good story so the TV programs give all their examples from there. I think the girls move around to places they're familiar with.



If you leave your house you're a runaway.


For example, even if you're just sitting on a swing at the neighborhood park, not even one mile from your house, and you're telling yourself that you've run away from home then you're a runaway.
There's a million of kids like that, both girls and boys.


But of all the "girls" posting online that they're looking for a man to "save" them, probably 90% are fakes.


Pretty much all of the dating sites with cons and decoys on them have been wiped out now, so SNS sites and bulletin boards are the new place where that type gathers.
Because SNS and BBS are still shady sites of course they can't be openly advertised, but if a TV program comes along that says "there's people like this out there!", then of course a bunch of viewers are going to wonder about it and try to find out about it online.
And when they do that, that's when the lines and lines of results for "girls waiting for you!" show up.



Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Shoudoshima 小豆島 is a small island South-East of Okayama, just East of Shikoku. Despite being largely empty and dotted with several burnt out or abandoned hotels and buildings, it has some great sights off the beaten track. It's a famous location for soy sauce production. In fact, the whole island literally stinks of it 24/7.

It's very cycle friendly (the island bus is pretty infrequent anyway), and it's definitely worth renting bikes to see the sights. The Hostelling International place rents out granny-bikes for 300 yen a day. Cars can be rented from several places, but book ahead in high season.

Pick up a map at the port you come in to (usually Tonoshou), but don't expect much English help there.

Sights
  • Shoudoshima was the site of the first successful olive plantation in Japan. The predictable result of which is an obsession with olives and olive trees. You can visit the (huge) olive grove along the main (only?) road which runs along the south of the island. Amongst the many trees and beautiful paths is a park and windmill, showing off the heavy European presence, with a picturesque sea view. There's also a spa, and botanical garden. You can't miss it, and the bus stops at two points from which you can enter. 
  • The film Twenty-Four Eyes was filmed here, and the film set still stands at the Eastern end of the island. It's an interesting site with exhibitions, shops, a pond filled with extraordinary varieties of salt-water fish, and restaurants. If you visit in the summer, beware of the baking heat and find shelter in the old houses perfectly preserved from the very start of last century, including the schoolhouse now containing ancient camera equipment used in making the film.
  • Another point of interest is the soy sauce museum, again along the main road running West to East along the Southern coast. My girlfriend hated it, but I thought it was very interesting. It explains the old-time method of soy sauce production, allows a glimpse at modern production in progress, and even gives a free bottle with the 220yen entrance fee. Outside you can try the surprisingly tasty soy sauce ice cream.
There are several other things to do, including scaling a local mountain by ropeway and seeing a bunch of temples, so check out the Shodoshim town website (English) for more.


More
  • The island is split into two halves. The lower, and larger half is Shoudoshima city, and the upper section is Tonosho town. Between lies... well, nothing really. 
  • The total circumference is 126km.
  • There are a couple of high-end hotels, and one or two drastically lower-end hostels on the Shoudoshima city side of the island.
  • Don't expect many good restaurants. Or many at all, in fact. We survived on solely convenience store food when we visited, simply because we couldn't really find anywhere to eat without a long commute. However, there must surely be a few izakaya, yakitori etc places hiding in the local neighbourhoods off the main road.
Map

View Shoudoshima Island (www.accessj.com) in a larger map



Saturday, 14 May 2011

Very early in first grade you'll be teaching "Is this/that your...". Around the same time, you'll teach His/Her/Paul's.

This is a sheet I made which covers that in a fun puzzle style.
I actually got the idea for this (although it wasn't their's originally) from JHSEnglipedia. The version on that site is ugly and over complicated. I completely reworked it and the results are what you can download here.

The idea is pretty self explanatory. Give each pair of students one copy of the sheet with the full images (or one each if you want), and one copy each of the answer sheet. Students have to work out what the snippet represents and write the sentence in the box. The lines around different objects dictate their owner, so the first snippet would be "It is Paul's dog." Of course, you can change it to "This is Paul's dog" if that's what you've been asked to do. Both are covered consecutively in my textbook.

As always, this activity is now yours to keep, but please don't redistribute it anywhere else. Link to us!



Thursday, 12 May 2011

In today's Q&A, we learn, yet again, that the Internet makes people lazy. And those lazy people are a driving source of fuel for other people to get spiteful and go out of their way to write long, angry rants. Apparently this fact of Internet-life applies no matter what language you use.

Let's get right down to our venting!



Hi.


I got a e-mail.


It said, "I'll let you know in a 一両日."


What does "一両日" mean?



For questions like these, you should get into the habit of searching for the answer yourself.

If you're able to use this site, then you should be able to use a dictionary site, too.

If you look for a word or a phrase in a dictionary, it'll certainly be there.

It'd be good for you to have at least enough of an appetite for learning to open a dictionary by yourself.

Anyway, some people don't know about the existence of dictionaries, so I'll leave the address for you below.

If you click the link, the answer to your question will appear, OK?



Thanks.


I see. I should use a dictionary function next time, huh? When I did a normal Google, it was hard to find the answer. Thanks for the good idea!



By the way, for those hoping and not clicking, 一両日 (いちりょうじつ) means "a day or two." :)



Tuesday, 10 May 2011

If you've ever looked closely at a car's rear license plate in Japan, you may have noticed something funny about one of the screws holding it in. At first glance, it just looks bigger than the others. And with a really close look, you might notice that it's inscribed with a kanji corresponding to the prefecture or licensing region of the car's plates.


These seals, always fastened at the top-left of the rear license plate of full-sized vehicles* (普通自動車) registered in Japan, are anti-theft measures, and they're protected by law. Removing one without explicit permission (such as changing the plates on a car, having a car sent out of country, or having a car destroyed) is illegal. However, if you relocate to a different prefecture of Japan, it is your duty to have your plate changed at the appropriate office.
*(In other words, they aren't issued for kei cars.)

The seals actually are just a thin metal covering for a normal screw inside. The "nest" for the seal acts like a giant washer, slipped around the screw before you screw it in. To remove one, it's as easy as puncturing the seal with a screwdriver or another sharp tool and prying the metal away until you can reach the screw easily with a driver. The satisfaction of jabbing the seal is almost worth the otherwise obnoxious rigmarole of a trip to a Japanese Land Transport Bureau--and maybe the cocktail party story you can share with some Japanese friends (who will nod their heads in approval if they've shared the jabbing experience).

By the way, when screws for a new license plate are issued, the seal isn't handed to the owner of the vehicle. In standard procedure, your shakensho (vehicle registration document) is kept in custody of the Land Transport Bureau until you've screwed on the plates yourself. Then, they'll come and check your car, looking at vehicle identification numbers printed under the hood and on the body, and when they're finally satisfied that it's really the car identified in the shakensho, they'll pop the seal into place themselves.



Sunday, 8 May 2011

I hope this doesn't excite my family too much, but recently I've been looking into the logistics of childbirth in Japan. Hence the forthcoming post on maternity leave (see next week).

It seems that the Japanese process typically involves a 6+ day stay in hospital for mother and baby, during which time you learn about aftercare for your newborn etc. Understandably, this isn't a cheap period of your life. Luckily, provided you're paying the shakai hoken (social health insurance) you can expect to get the vast majority of that money back, if not more.

In fact, even if you don't stay the full time, or even don't go to hospital at all and find your own midwife, you'll still get that money (approx. 420,000yen depending on your area).

For more, here's an extract from a recent article in the Japan Times:
Expected costs of childbirth in Japan
A 2009 health ministry-funded survey of 2,886 hospitals and clinics showed that the average cost of delivery was ¥423,957 nationally, and ¥459,260 in the Kanto region. The cheapest area in which to give birth was the Kyushu- Okinawa region, where the average cost was ¥393,671.The average length of stay was 6.28 days nationally. Prices are higher if you choose a single room, give birth at night or on a weekend and ask for an epidural.Women covered by the public health insurance scheme can get up to ¥420,000 of their costs subsidized by the government.Costs of prenatal visits to doctors and midwives also vary, but many municipal governments issue vouchers for free prenatal screenings at hospitals, clinics and midwife-led birth centers.


  • If you decide to do a home or private birth, you may need to find a midwife. A good place to start on that route is the Midwives Association of Japan (most of the important stuff is in Japanese).
  • Beware that the regular Japanese birthing process may be culturally different from what you may expect. If  you have "special" requests, such as the father being allowed in the room during birth, no painkillers, sleeping in the same room as the baby in hospital etc, you will have to find a doctor/hospital that is okay with those.
  • A great community site to help you with the raising, matriculation, health care etc of your child in Japan is Japan With Kids.
  • A useful personal account of having twins in Japan can be found on this website.
  • I came across this excellent article from the Alien Times, which I've pasted in full here just in case it ever vanishes:
     
  • Pregnancy and Giving Birth in Japan

    Author:Anna Hamakoji, Issue: November 2001, April 2007 Topic: Children
    Going through pregnancy and giving birth is difficult enough in one's own country, so going through that in a foreign country makes it all that much more difficult. The following is a brief description of what you need to do and what to expect if you are having a baby here in Japan.
    Once a doctor has confirmed your pregnancy, you must register your pregnancy at your nearest health center.
    Take your Alien Registration (AR) Card and fill out a form with your name and address, giving the name of the doctor and the name and address of the medical institution he or she is affiliated with. (You can also ask the clinic/hospital to give you a "certificate of pregnancy" to give to the health center). The center will give you a Mother-Child Book (boshi techo), in which will be recorded the course of your pregnancy and the birth, as well as your baby's growth and immunization records. Be sure to take it to each prenatal visit and, of course, to the birth. You can choose to have bilingual copies. Tsukuba City has the following: English/Japanese, Korean/Japanese, Chinese/Japanese, Tai/Japanese, Portuguese/Japanese and Tagalog/Japanese
    Included in the "boshi techo" is a packet containing local information and immunization schedules. Also included are two coupons that are for health check ups, one in early and one in late pregnancy. There is also a form that will give you a Y1300 reduction on the HIV test (required for all pregnant women).
    After registering your pregnancy, you will need to think about what kind of birth you want or need and where and how you are going to have it. In choosing the place of birth, you will need some idea of what kind of birth you want/need considering your physical condition, Japanese language ability, financial situation, etc. In Japan, fathers are not always permitted at the birth. At some facilities, fathers are allowed only into the labor room, but not the delivery room. At others he can only wait in the waiting room. Some places though, encourage fathers to participate and sometimes, if you have communication problems, they might even allow you to bring a friend who can interpret and assist you. Always ask for such information. Developing realistic expectations and making adequate preparations will help you to have a safe and satisfying experience.
    For foreigners in Tsukuba, there are several places to choose from. I will here only comment on the ones I know personally. There might be others that are good as well. If you have any information please write to the Alien Times.
    The most popular clinic is probably the Shoji Clinic in Yatabe. Dr Shoji and his wife, who is the pediatrician, have lived in the U.S. and both speak English well. Dr. Shoji and his staff are used to foreigners and they always try their best to accommodate each person's special needs. The name is Shoji Sanfujinka Clinic and is located at Yatabe 1562 (Tel: 029-836-0405). It is closed on Mondays, Thursdays, and the 1st, 3rd & 5th Sunday and national holidays. On Mondays there is a female doctor available (as of March 2007), Dr. Saito.
    Then there are two hospitals that are seeing a lot of foreign women -- Tsukuba Gakuen Hospital and Tsukuba University Hospital.
    Gakuen hospital is popular maybe because there are several female doctors to go to for checkups. Dr. Sato and Dr. Kawasaki are especially popular because they speak English. Dr. Sato sees patients on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.Dr. Kawasaki on Monday mornings and Thursdays. You cannot know, however, whether they will be available at the time of your delivery. If not, you will just have to do with the doctor who is on duty. Husbands are allowed into the delivery room if they have attended birth classes at the hospital. Tsukuba Gakuen Hospital is located at Kami Yokoba 2573-1 (Tel: 029-836-1355). For appointments call the appointment center 836-6688
    Tsukuba University Hospital is often the place to go to if you are in need of special care or if there are complications during your pregnancy. It is also the cheapest of all hospitals, although the cost difference between clinics and hospital isn't that much. The total cost depends on your situation, the time of delivery (night & weekend are more expensive than "office hours") how many days you stay after delivery, whether it is a private room or not, etc. The university hospital has several doctors that can speak various levels of English, they also have female doctors and if you ask for it they will try their best to make sure you are examined by a female doctor. You can however not request one to be at your birth, but most days there is usually a female doctor on duty. Husbands are not allowed into the delivery room. Tsukuba University Hospital is located at Amakubo 2-1-2. You need to call 029-853-3570 for an appointment (or go to the appointment counter between 8:30am and 11am.)
    Another option is a midwife clinic. There is one in Ina City (about 20 min. from Tsukuba) that accepts foreigners. It is called Baby Healthy Mirai and its address is Ina-Machi, Minami Ohta 500-1 (Tel: 0297-58-3708). It is closed on Fridays. This is a perfect place for someone wanting an "at home birth" atmosphere.
    Typically, a prenatal visit costs between Y3,500 and Y10,000 depending on the place and how many tests are performed. At some facilities, ultra sound is routine and included in the fee. Other places might do them only once or twice and charge extra. Other tests, such as amniocentesis, can raise the fee as well. The average cost of a normal delivery and a 5-7 day stay is currently Y350,000-Y450,000.
    For the pregnant foreigner, it can be advantageous to join the National Health Insurance scheme. It provides some special benefits for pregnant women. Depending on your taxable income, you may qualify for this help. For a couple with no kids, the income limit is Y4,010,000/year. For each additional dependent, add Y300,000.
    Some of the most common benefits are free medical care for pregnant women and assistance for childbirth expenses given to the woman after the birth. You need to apply for this aid at the city office.
    So what do you need to do after the baby has come? First, before the birth, you should contact your embassy and find out the procedure for obtaining a passport for the baby. After the birth, the hospital will give you a birth certificate. The left side of the document will already have been filled in by the hospital and you need to fill-in the right side and submit it to the city office. The document has to be written in Japanese and the person at the city office is forbidden to do it for you so you need to find someone who can help you write it.
    Take this document, both parent's passports and alien registration cards, the Mother-Child book and go to the Sakura branch of the City office. Your child will be registered and an alien registration card will be issued.
    If you have National Health Insurance, you also need to enter your child's name on to the insurance card, and depending on your income, you can apply for "marufuku," which is free medical care for infants.
    You can also apply for the "bunben hiyo haraimodoshi" which is the assistance for child birth expenses. Bring your bankbook with you (not just your cash card (ATM card)) and if you use a "hanko" seal, don't forget to bring that too.
    There is also child benefit called "jidouteate" for low income families. It is Y5000 per month, (Y10,000 per month from the 3rd child.) Ask at the child welfare counter.
    All of these procedures can be done in one visit to the city office if you bring all the necessary documents. The city office, however, will not give you any official copies of the birth certificate on the same day that you apply for it. For some reason you have to wait at least one day. An official copy of the birth certificate costs Y400. Remember to ask your embassy how many they require.
    The hospital may also, at your request, write a document in English stating that "Ms xxx had a baby girl on month/day". This document has no legal meaning in Japan and the father's name is not included, so make sure you get official copies of the Japanese version since that is the only legal document concerning your child's birth.
    You have to apply for a visa (residence permission) within 30 days of the birth. To avoid any penalties, you have to apply within 30 days whether you have got the child's passport or not. If you have applied for a passport but haven't got it yet, bring the document showing that you have applied with you to the immigration office. You also need to bring your child's Japanese birth certificate and alien registration card for child, mother, and father. And a "certificate of alien registration" where all family members are included is recommended. After you have been to Mito you need to go back to the Sakura branch again and they will write the new information on your child's alien registration card.
    After all of this, you are finished with the "paper work" and can concentrate on the parenting, but that is another story. Good Luck!!



Saturday, 7 May 2011

I'm on a roll with this kind of worksheet, so here's another in the vein of my "Did you...", "Do you know how to...", "Can you" and "Will you" sheets, and yet again is a perfect example of not being afraid to reuse ideas for different grammar points.

Students decide which of the three options you (as the teacher) think is the most (adjective) of the three. They circle their answers, then ask you. Play bingo. If they got it right, they get a circle. If not, an X. Give some kind of reward, or you could even use the betting money cards from a couple of weeks ago to make things more interesting.

On the back are some lines for writing up sentences if you need to fill more time (the front should take 15-25 minutes depending on how you play it/drag it out).

Here's the sheet.

As always feel free to have as much fun as you want with this, but please don't redistribute it as your own.



Thursday, 5 May 2011

If you're an avid runner and like to compete in marathons, 10ks etc, then I have a useful tip for you.

Runnet.jp is a database and registration site covering all of Japan. You can register for events of all lengths - 5k, 10k, half marathon, full marathon, ultra marathon and more.

It's all in Japanese, so here's a guide to help you through using it.

Guide
  • Near the bottom of the Runnet page you will find this icon:

新規会員登録 
登録無料、自分専用ダイアリー

This is the link to sign up. It's free.
  • Scroll down to the bottom of the signup page and click the red button.
  • On the next page, check the option marked 利用規約に同意する
  • Next, enter your email address in both of the boxes and click the red button.
  • Click the next red button and you will be emailed an activation link.
    • Go to your inbox and click it.  
      • You have 30 minutes to do this. After that, you will have to re-apply.
So, on to part two. Here you have to put in your full details - address, name, etc. It all has to be done in Japanese, which can be a bit of a headache.

The best way I can think of (if you don't understand enough Japanese) is to have a version of the page open in Google Translate, and one in the original Japanese (the translated version often doesn't work properly when you try to submit it). Cross referrence to fill out the form.

Possible errors:
  • Password needs to contain numbers
  • The furigana (ふりがな) version of your name (in the boxes under where you first write your name) has to be written in Katakana.

Searching for races
It helps if you know the kanji for the prefecture in which you're searching, better still the city. If not, you'll have to look it up.
    Once logged in, click on the option with the magnifying glass at the top of the page.
    Now a box will appear with another magnifying glass at the top.

    Submit, and you will be presented with a list of events, presuming they exist. You can view this page in Google Translate if it's easier. Clicking an event will take you to some more information, along with an エントリー (entry) button:

    Click this and you'll find a list of entry prices. Click エントリー again here and you will need to enter some details (varies per race/type but usually past/expected times, t-shirt size etc).

    After sucessfully completing that, you'll be sent to the payment page. You can pay by card or convenience store. The site charges between 100 and 200 yen commission per entry.

    Click next, then the submit button at the foot of the confirmation page. You've done it all right when you see this message:

    In short, it's a challenge to get through, but it's worth it.



    Tuesday, 3 May 2011

    For those of you versed in the intense world of kettlebell training, moving to Japan may prove slightly taxing if you want to continue your training at a high level. More details follow:


    High quality kettlebells ARE available, but you're going to pay top dollar for them. If that's what you want, then this Japanese guy sell imported Dragondoor bells. Prices are not totally unreasonable, but expect to pay around 35,000yen for a pair of 24kg bells.

    Other than that, you can contact IKFF Japan's Mark Atkinson. Mark has been at the forefront of Asian KB training for a while now, and is a friendly, helpful guy. He sometimes has pro-series bells made to sell to those interested, and at a lower price than his Japanese competition above. I just bought two 28kg bells from him for 30,000yen. Mark's "gaijinkettlebell" blog resides here. The legendary Steve Cotter also posted a short video interview with Mark on Facebook.

    There is a small Crossfit presence in Japan. I know of one in Tokyo (Chakara Crossfit). I contacted them just recently and discovered that they now have a wide selection of KBs which they use regularly. Well worth checking out if you're in the area.

    Buying Cheaper Kettlebells in Japan
    A good solution to no kettlebells is, surprisingly, Amazon.co.jp. Searching for ケトルベル there will throw up several pages of products, including some frankly hilarious-looking DVDs. I bought 2 of the silver (ALEX) 20kg bells, and one of the 32kg ones. I can honest say that the quality is pretty bad. The handles are rough like dumbells, and even thinner. With a tough file I was able to make them usable.

    AccessJ's Pick:
    A much better budget solution is the sports store Xebio, who you can shop with online here. Xebio stock a limited range of weighted KBs. They aren't superb quality, but the handles are a good size and the overall feeling is fantastic for the price. Maximum weight is 25kg, of which I bought two for under 10,000yen, although the price seems to have gone up a bit now (about 13,000).



    Sunday, 1 May 2011

    This cool family science museum on the artificial Daiba islands of Tokyo houses the ground-breaking ASIMO robot, who comes out twice a day to woo crowds.

    ASIMO is enough of a reason to pay the 620 yen entrance fee, but there are many other cool features of the museum for all the family to enjoy. Theres the "intelligent seal" which adores being tickled and stroked, the binary version of the internet reenacted with black and white balls, the hands-on keyhole surgery, the deep-sea diving capsule, the space rocket engine and capsule, the stunning magnetic liquid exhibition, a huge library of Japanese language video documentaries and a fascinating theatre to name just a few things.

    Those with a passion for such places could quite easily spend all day here.

    Access
    Just a short walk from the Telecom Center elevated train station on the Yurikamome line (well signposted). Just over half an hour via several trains from Shinjuku.

    Map

    View Miraikan (www.accessj.com) in a larger map



    Saturday, 30 April 2011

    Another teacher-bingo style activity, this time to introduce yourself to first graders for the first time. I would precede it with a brief verbal intro as advised by your JTE (name, age, hobbies, ethnic background etc).



    Self-intro activities for second and third graders could be the Can you bingo, Did you bingo or the Will you bingo activities I posted recently.

    It's pretty self-explanatory, but here's how to make it work in class:

    1. Students practice the vocab, including what should be the only new word for them: "or"
    2. If you want, they can then ask each other "do you like X or X?" before thinking about you, and what you like,
    3. They guess which thing you like and circle it for all the boxes,
    4. You can then nominate students (or ask for volunteers) to ask you the question for each box,
    5. If they have guessed correctly, they can circle the whole box, if not, then it's a big X for them,
    6. Play bingo like this, where four circles in any direction = one bingo,
    7. If you have some stickers or stamps, award them for the first X number of bingos.

    There you go. Very simple idea, and now the kids know you a little better.

    As always, please don't redistribute this anywhere else.



    Thursday, 28 April 2011

    Welcome to the first installment of our Q&A series.

    Today we hear from a young woman who received monthly bank transfers over 6 years from an absolute stranger she met over the Internet in exchange for sending him daily diary entries. After breaking off communication with the man, she wonders if she should feel obligated to repay the money back to him even though he hasn't asked her to.

    Let's hear what the Internet has to say!



    Hi, I'm posting for the first time. I'm a female university freshman.

    When I was a first-year junior high school student, I was bullied a lot. I couldn't say anything to my parents about it, and instead I confided in an older man who I met through the Internet. He was in his 50s and told me he had a strained home life.

    My hobby was reading, and the man I met taught me more about how to escape into the world of books. He started sending me money so I could buy new books. (I didn't have a good concept of the danger at the time and freely shared my personal info. I wish I hadn't now.)

    He was so happy when I started e-mailing him daily to talk about the things going on in my life or my thoughts about the books that I read. Soon he was sending me about 10,000 yen ($100) per month. I managed my own bank account, and my parents were always busy with work, so I was able to use the money without them noticing. I used it to purchase books and later even enrolled at a juku when it was time to prepare for high school entrance exams.

    I became a high school student and got a lot of new friends. When I told the man how it was hard to ask my parents to pay for me to go on field trips with my school club, he sent me the money. My club went on a lot of field trips, and between that and the tuition of a prep school I attended in the evening, I was receiving 30,000 yen ($300) per month.

    The man loved to hear about my daily events as a high school student, and he told me he thought of me as his daughter. The relationship reminded me of Daddy-Long-Legs, but I didn't think about it too much.

    After high school, I moved to Tokyo for college. Other girls at the school were big into fashion and it was a bad influence on me. I started asking for extra money from the man, which I used to buy clothes and accessories. At some point I think he got fed up with the way I was acting because he stopped replying to my e-mails.

    When I realized this, I rethought my spending habits. I feel like I've forgotten who I really am. And now I'm just overwhelmed with self-disgust.

    From now on, so I can be truly independent, I'm going to start working part-time and use scholarship money to pay for school, no matter how hard it is. I don't want to accept any money from anyone else ever again. I see that the way things are now isn't good for myself, and my warped sense of money is only going to hurt me.

    So I want to ask: If my benefactor demanded I return the money I accepted from him all those years, am I obligated to return it? We have had no physical relationship, and we've only met each other one time.

    Maybe this story is hard to believe, but I really need an answer. Just assuming this kind of situation, what are my responsibilities in regard to the money?
    Thank you.




    First post. 

    If you really wanted to give the money back, you wouldn't have made a post like this in the first place. I think you're just being inconsistent.

    Sorry if I offended you.


    It's OK. I'm not offended. When I first drafted the post, I didn't think it was very coherent. I felt like I needed to explain the parts that were hard to understand. So, that last question was me trying to be more clear.

    You're right. If I'm worried about whether I'm obligated to return the money, that must mean I don't want to return it. I'm just making excuses now, but the total sum of money I received from this man is enormous. If I'm obligated to pay it back then there must be some kind of deadline to do that by, and if that's the case I have to think about stuff like revealing this to my parents or quitting school to work full time so I can pay it off.




    The money was a gift and you don't have any legal obligation to return it. Besides, it's not like a guy with that kind of personality is going to demand you return it in the first place.

    But, the way you feel means something. Are you a mooch?



    There was a part of me that thought it was natural for him to be sending me money. I think that's why I was able to use it to buy clothes and stuff. I should have been thinking about what it meant that he was giving me his hard-earned money.

    I want to become the kind of person that he can feel glad he invested in. I don't think I have any value to be thought of like that now.

    That's why this is so painful for me!





    Well, Internet, you certainly never fail to impress! I hope everything worked out OK for this girl, especially after everyone blatantly ignored the fact that she spent her entire teenage life supported by a man 40 years her senior and this arrangement was completely concealed from her parents and teachers. And she intends to keep the secret barring impending financial disaster.

    I want to express nothing but support for the trending of her strong moral compass; I just wonder why it was so easy for everyone to get past the initial premise of her situation. It never dawns on the parents that she never asks them for money but goes on every school trip and brings home an armload of books every month. The secret benefactor, who was romantic in Judy's case (in the book Daddy Long Legs) because she didn't have any parents, is played down by all the respondents as if relationships between adolescent girls and middle-aged men are as a rule totally natural, innocuous affairs. (That's foreshadowing for a future Q&A post, by the way!)

    If you have any comments or screams of outrage, please share below!