Workplace Transfers: 異動

One big difference between Japanese and Western workplaces is the common nature of transfers. In order to support traditional values of inter-connectedness, Japanese companies shuffle their employees around to different departments and regions every 1 to 5 years. The goal of these transfers is to create employees with a broad skill base and an overall understanding of how everything in the company works.

Every April, big Japanese companies scoop up a bunch of fresh faced 22-year-old graduates from the best universities in the nation. This is called 新卒採用 (shinsotsu saiyou). Unless hired to work in R&D, the educational background of these students is irrelevant, because they spend the next four months in training. They live in a secluded company dorm, eat at a cafeteria, take classes, attend seminars, and must pass tests, all to make up for the fact that [LINK]they didn't learn anything in university.

During training, supervisors watch the new employees carefully and note which areas each individual excels in. Once training is finished, these supervisors meet and assign each employee to a job role according to the company's needs. The new employee can be sent to any department in any branch of the company around Japan (or, if the company has international offices, around the world).

But, it doesn't stop there; a few years down the line, when the new employee is getting accustomed to their current job and company environment, 異動 (idou) time rolls around. The employee can be reassigned to a new job, a new department, and even a new region. Of course, the employee always reserves the right to refuse (by quitting). But subservience to the company's will is the price of the [LINK]lifelong compensation package Japanese companies offer.

Related:
Working Guide

Why do Gaijin Smell so Bad?

Japanese people think gaijin smell awful. Some say it's a buttery smell.

Well, that's pretty accurate. Right now I stink. But there are good reasons for this.

Listen up Japan: take this into consideration before you harshly judge us whiteys:

1. Summer is far too long, too hot and there is no air-con in this (or any other) school.

2. Japanese deodorant doesn't work! It's more like scented water. I'm forced to have the stuff imported.

3. Japanese washing-machines use cold water. What's the point in that?

4. You stink too, so shut up!

Second-Hand Stores

Pretty much synonymous with selling rubbish from dead and poor people's homes, second-hand stores aren't something I would previously have connected with Japan. How wrong I was!

They come in several guises, all of which are awesome.

1. Book/manga/CD/DVD/game places
   Often just one shop selling all of the above, such as BookOFF. A LOT of stuff here is 105yen, including all your favourite manga tankoban, classic computer games (although rare ones can be CONSIDERABLY more expensive), books (often including English-language ones) and CDs (also many English/American releases). DVDs, BD and VHS (yes, VHS) can also be cheap, but as this is Japan you may also find yourself staring at a copy of Nanny McPhee for 4,250yen.
   Places like BookOFF will usually have a wide selection of games, including NES and original Gameboy cartidges. If you want a better selection though, I'd head for a specialist place like FamicomWorld in Nerima, Tokyo.
   
   
2. Mystery stores
   In Gunma I found another two additions to the OFF series of shops - HardOFF and HouseOFF. I'm not sure what the difference between HardOFF and BookOFF is... I think the former is basically the latter without books or manga. HouseOFF was a junkyard of crappy cast-offs from people's attics, and fell into the (lower end of the) last category:
   
   
3. House shops
   Often with names like Second Street, Second Land etc, these places are a goldmine for cheap homehold electronics - ceiling lights, TVs, media players, white goods, sofas (wouldn't recommend the last one), air-con units etc.
   We needed a new fridge. Long story short we found it as new, just over half the new price in one of these stores.
   But one thing which should not be recommended is the clothes section of these places. Japanese fashion is, let's be clear, awful. And yet somehow the clothes here are even worse. Unless you want to look like an Eastern-European fashionista from the 80s who couldn't afford real shoes so made some out of cardboard and drew on his own laces, this is not the place for you. Stop for the photo opportunity with the huge fur coat, leopardskin hat and pink shorts, but draw the line there!
   Another odd thing about these places is that they seem to buy and try to sell completely unsellable objects - stained soft-toys, chipped cups, battered alarm clocks... what's the point?

5 Random School Lunches From Japan

When I first got here I thought lunch was great - plentiful, reasonably tasty and a new experience. 18 months later I dread the whole experience.

I recently explained why eating with my students kind of sucks sometimes, but now I want to talk about the food itself.

I'd like to point out, before any enraged Japanophiles get on my case, that although I openly dislike a lot of Japanese school lunches so do the Japanese.

Without further ado, here are the five lunches I was presented with last week:

1. Monday
   
   
   • Rice,
   • Prawn and dough fried thing (satsumaage)
     
   • Salad of carrot, cucumber, caggabe and tofu strips with a peanut dressing,
   • Miso soup with potato, two types of tofu, daikon and carrot.
     
   Calories: 789
   Review: Everything was fine except for the soup, which tasted awful and was a chore to eat. 2/5
   
   
   
2. Tuesday
   
   
   • One packet of softmen noodles,
   • Fried fish with lemon sauce,
     
   • Hijiki (seaweed), carrot, cabbage,
     
   • Miso ramen soup with pork, carrot, daikon and onion.
   Calories: 726
   Review: Pretty good! 4/5
   
   
   
3. Wednesday
   
   
   • Rice with yukari. Not sure what that is but it turned it purple and tasted similar to umeboshi (pickled plums),
     
   • Tomato omelette,
   • Fried sweet potato slithers, cucumber and lettuce,
     
   • Sumashi soup with wakame, mushrooms, reformed fish and indeterminate bits of vegetable.
   Calories: 734
   Review: Cold and miserable. 2/5
   
   
   
4. Thursday
   
   
   • A bread roll,
   • A cold hamburger with ketchup,
   • Seasame sprinkled pickled cabbage and cucumber,
   • A particularly flavourless soup containing boiled potatoes, carrots and daikon, with bizarrely thin pieces of hotdog sausage at the bottom.
   Calories: 820
   Review: Slimey yet satisfying burger, but the soup was dreadful. 3/5
   
   
   
5. Friday
   
   
   • Rice,
   • Some kind of tempura fish with tempura sauce,
   • Nori, beansprouts, carrot and celery salad,
   • What can only be called "stick soup". This is very common, and aside from the sticks (actually root shavings) contains tofu, carrots, daikon, small bits of funny looking chicken and spring onions. The proper name for this style is Kenchin soup.
     
   Calories: 742
   Review: Greasy, bitter, full of twigs. 2/5
   
   

Note that these are usually presented with a 200ml bottle of milk (included in the calorie counts). I have an allergy.

A previous post went into some detail as to why Japanese schools make such high calorie and bizarre meal choices, but actually this week was fairly tame. No pregnant fish, whale or awful soy-burgers. When I do get something like that I'll be sure to post it here.

UPDATE:

As promised, here are pregnant fish (komochi shisamo) in all their glory. Inside is literally full of eggs, and you eat them whole. Luckily their bones are made out of tissue paper so don't destroy your mouth. Despite their looks, they don't actually taste that bad, despite the ash-esque aftertaste.


Lunch Mats.

You may have noticed that each day I had a different coloured mat under my food. Lunch mats are big business in Japan. All the kids have a different one for approximately every day of their lives, and all the big shops have huge racks of them. All the big (and not so big) anime series are reprezentin', and I even found a Thomas the Tank Engine one.

I only have five different mats though, and I often feel a bit underdressed. Obviously it's time to invest in some more to retain some macho pride.

Your lunch stories in the comments box please!

Being an ALT series: 

Part #1: Teaching English in Japan 

Part #2: Your Role

Part #3: A Typical Day

Part #4: Planning Classes 

Part #5: Getting Drunk on Duty (the Enkai) 

Part #6: 4 Japanese Teachers You May Have to Work With

Part #7: Physical Resources

Part #8: Making Activities


  

5 Japanese Cars for Tall People

I'm 6'4" and have a pretty rough time in most cars. When I was car shopping I tried loads of different models. There are clearly a lot of nice, affordable cars in Japan; like the Nissan March, Honda Fit and Toyota Passo, but legroom can be a big pain in the arse (let's not even mention K-cars).

So let's look at five solid options for tall people in Japan:

1. Nissan Cube.
   Oh yeah, you know it! I love this car. The headroom is stupendous. I could wear a top-hat in this baby. It's also a beautiful car, despite maybe being aesthetically different to what Westerners are used to.
   The elegant curves of the 3rd generation in particular (inside and out) are really something. It's a good choice for a family car, too. In fact there is a version of the 2nd generation called the Cube Cubic which squeezes 7 seats into only an extra 20cm length over the regular 5-seater. I'm doubtful it's quite as roomy as the regular edition, though, and misses out on the excellent boot space (although you can take out two seats very easily and enjoy the bigger-than-usual boot).
   Anyway, I can't emphasise enough how much room there is in the front. The streeing wheel can be moved right up so that my legs don't even touch it getting in and out, and the dashboard is collosal - plenty of space for mascots etc, although the 3rd gen has done away with some of this in favour of sexy curves and cup-holders.
   It's a joy to drive, and effortlessly cruises through the narrow streets of my small town. Expressway driving is similarly enjoyable. Excellent car, try it!
   Price 300,000-1,300,000 yen used
   
   
2. Toyota bB.
   Similar in many ways to the Cube, although not quite as roomy in the front. The front bumper extends forward in quite an aggressive fashion, and the manacing grill and box shaped bonnet rear up in an alarming way. Good for studs.
   The upholstery is fantastic. Sexy, sleek and comfortable. However the dashboard is very oddly designed. The speedomoter sits above the dash like a child's clock, and there seems to be a lot of wasted space.
   All-in-all, though, a decent choice, especially for those wanting a more masculine ride. And unlike the Cube, the boot opens in the classic upwards direction more suited to the tight spaces often found in Japan.
   300,000 - 1,600,000 yen used
   
   
3. Toyota ist (Scion xD).
   A good choice, more attractive inside and out than the bB, though slightly boring in the dash area. Good boot space, but again has a slightly brash exterior when compared to my lovely Cube (okay, so the Pokemon version is pretty cool).
   400,000 - 1,500,000 yen used
   
   
   
   
4. Nissan Note.
   Another attractive offering from Nissan. Longer than the Cube but somehow less roomy inside. Lower head clearance, and the steering wheel is marginally lower set too, but still comfortable to drive. Plush interior. Costs a bit more than the other choices unless you get the older model.
   500,000 - 1,500,000 yen used
   
   
   
5. Honda Freed.
   The rich man's choice, the Freed is the updated version of the Mobilio (also a good one) and is a big car. Significantly larger than the Cube, and very spacious inside. However it has the gearshift on the dash which is just ugly. Very plush and new in other respects, though. If you have the money this is definately worth checking out.
   1,600,000-2,100,000 yen used

All-in-all you can't do better than the Cube if you're looking for something adequately sized for a decent price. There's plenty of room for me, and even if you have a few extra inches you should be fine.

Other honourable mentions go to the Subaru Dex, which seems to be an updated, more powerful version of the Toyota bB with an attractive interior, and the new Mini Clubman if you can find it in Japan (haven't tried it but it looks like a good choice).

Soaplands: the Japanese Brothel

A soapland is a brothel. You pay a woman to use her naked body to clean you. She gets you all foamed up, uses her boobs and ass like a sponge and then fulfills the rest of your agreement.

If all this is making you reconsider your opinion of prostitution then you certainly aren't alone.


Starting out as a remedy to the illegality of blatant prostitution, soaplands called themselves "Turkish Baths" and pretended nothing funny went on. Some Turkish guy got mad about the stain on the impeccable reputation of his nations bathing and forced a name-change. Did he try it first, I wonder?

Although whoring yourself out is technically illegal, the soaplands work on the basis of renting you the room alone. What you do inside the room is up to you and the woman. It's perfectly legal to agree to exchange money for sexual gratification (and it's going to be something like 20-80,000yen. To be honest I don't really understand where the line is drawn. Some places openly advertise what you can get and for how much, so how this differs from regular prostitution is a mystery to me. Apparently the law (which has no explicit punishment) forbids all types of compensated coital acts, but any other hole, limb or cavity is fine. That doesn't stop open advertisement for FS (furu sekusu), though, which is presumably vaginal. It seems this is because it's so popular and earns the government a lot of tax money.

However, if you want to delve into this world then you better be prepared for racial-based rejection. Something about gaijin is a no-go for a lot of these girls, so be ready for disappointment. I can't give you any first-hand experience, but there are plenty of websites out there to help you find a fitting young lady, and also tell you the hotspots to go looking should you so desire.

I haven't heard of any switched-sex arrangements (i.e. man bathing woman), but an open-minded lady can reportedly get herself a same-sex scrubbing.

A very good and often-cited book about Japan's scorching-hot erotic underworld is "Japan's Sex Trade: A Journey Through Japan's Erotic Sub-Cultures" by Peter Constantine. Well worth reading if you have a genuine interest in the secret life of Japan.


.

Mending/Changing the Paper in Shouji Screens

Japanese paper doors may be attractive (at least from the inside), but it's very easy to stick an object through them, as anyone living here will know. Guests staying have a particular knack with this.

Anyway here's a guide to changing/mending the screens (障子を張り替える) if you're nervous or curious.

First of all, shouji paper (washi) comes in several sizes and literally hundreds of types. You can get very high quality stuff, sometimes with beautiful designs (just like the screens themselves), or you can just buy the regular stuff in a supermarket for abour 300yen (it's reportedly possible to get paper-esque plastic, too). It comes in either squares for one panel/section, small rolls or rolls wide enough for the entire lattice (kumiko).

Little shapes

If you only have a small hole to fix, you can buy little shapes to stick over the damage. They can look a bit crappy but a lot of people use them.

1. You can buy special paper loosening liquid in home stores. Alternatively you can usually strip from the frame easily enough with water or steam. Moisten the glue lines and it should come off easily. If you just want to replace one panel then scour around the area and (if you're lucky) you should be able to peel it up and off without disurbing other panes.
   NB: if someone has used the wrong type of glue or if it's been a particularly long time since the paper was changed, it can be very difficult to get off. Use a blunted scraper of some kind if you're left with soggy bits, but be careful not to destroy the lattice.
   
   
2. When the frame is dry again, use shouji glue on the area that needs replacing. Buy the glue in a squeezy bottle in virtually any supermarket. These come with a handy nozzle which will apply the glue universally along the correct distance from the edge of the frame. Keep the glue line very thin (1-2mm).
   If you're doing an entire door, it's fine to apply glue to the whole thing in one go.
   
   
3. For a whole door, place the roll of paper at the bottom (tack or tape it to keep a straight line) and simply roll it gently down to the top. Some more expensive papers will have a smooth and a rougher side. The smooth side should face outwards. If your paper has a pattern, double-check to make sure your orientation is correct.
   For one panel, row, use a small piece and roll or gently apply the paper.
   Don't trim the edges until the glue has dried.
   
   
4. Don't be tempted to use a cloth to smooth out the panels, as this can cause sagging if done too roughly. If you have any bad areas it may be because you used too much glue. In anycase, wait until the glue is dry and then reassess the situation.
   Some people like to spray a fine mist of water onto the doors to tauten the paper.
   
   
5. Trim off the excess. It's pretty frustrating to have half the paper catch and rip off when sliding across another door, so get this bit right.

That's it. The whole process shouldn't take very long. For a whole door, as long as you don't have too much trouble removing the paper, you should be done in ten minutes, and able to trim about an hour later.

Some people get very anal about their doors, and sometimes even want to make their own traditional rice-paste glue. If you want to know how, then here's a guide.

Tips/stories in the comments please!

Robots in my Toilet

Something makes me scared of earthquakes. It's not the danger (my apartment is "earthquake-proof" apparently). It's not the fact that I might spill a beer or bang my head either. It's that my robot collection will fall down the toilet.



As way of an explanation: I live in Japan with my girlfriend, Laura. She is lovely and everything, but she doesn't like robots to clutter up our already small flat. Hence they have been relegated to shelves in the toilet. I have yet to find any sticky device to keep them in place, so fingers crossed for me please! Don't let little Alphonse or Zaku II fall into the stinking toilet bowl!

We only just moved in here, but about sixth months ago our old apartment was shaken by a 6.0 which knocked loads of stuff down, including our full length mirror which kindly smashed all over our tatamis. I am quaking in my boots. HAHAHAHAH get it????????

Anyway, look at some photos (click for more info):





















Kind of dorky hobby it may be, but building robots is a fun way to spend the winter.

Worksheet Sunday: "I Can, Can You?"- Elementary school

Can is one of the staples of low-level English. I've had fun teaching this plan before, so here it is for you. Hopefully it will give you some ideas, at least.

"Can" isn't very hard to explain, and when I taught elementary the kids really enjoyed the lesson. I introduced it about 8-9 months into the year. At this point we had learned some easy verbs like swim, run, walk, jump, fly and climb. This took 35-40 minutes if I remember rightly.

It went like this:

• Practice the action verbs with some kind of gesture game/Simon says.
• Introduce some animals (ideally taught previously or with similar names in Japanese, like penguin, lion, etc). Put their pictures up on the board.
• Put up a poster-sized version of this grid (click to download).
• Go through a few of the animals, saying "This is a penguin. A penguin can swim, but a penguin can't fly." Use gestures/maru and batsu to help translation (no Japanese should be needed). Keep going until they seem to get it. Then ask them "Can an elephant fly?" etc to fill out the remainder of the grid. Just your inflection should be enough for them to get it, you don't need to teach the grammar. You can do all of them if you want/have time.
• Put students into small groups (2~4 students or whatever you want) and give them a completed grid as a regular-sized sheet (or get them to complete it as you do the point above).
• Play the "three hint quiz". Call out three things your chosen animal can/can't do, and they have to shout out which animal it is. If you have time they can then play this with each other/one student infront of the class. You can also bring in things from other lessons, like colours etc as hints.

That's it - simple and fun. If it doesn't last all lesson, you can do something like the janken game:

The Janken Game (10+ minutes)
Great fun game for elementary/low ability. Bigger (over 20 students) classes can be a bit of a strain, and kids at the back of the lines will get bored.

• Make around 10 sheets with a word/picture on each from the target vocab/review (in this case animals),
• Put them up on the board from left to right. For this version, put up a flashcard of one of the verbs,
• Split the class into two groups and line them up either side of the board,
• One student from each group must go along the board shouting out the word from the card/picture and the verb (e.g. a bear can swim, a dog can swim, a bird can't swim),
• When the two students meet in the middle, they janken. The loser goes to the back of his/her group line. 
• The next student from the losing group must start again from the beginning.
• The aim is for one student to get all the way across the board. If they do, the team gets one point and they go to the back of the line.
• Keep going until time is up/they're sick of it.

Note: although you can do this with pretty much any vocab, this isn't a good idea with months or days of the week unless you swap the two groups around halfway.

Getting an MNP Reservation Number

To make use of Japan's Mobile Number Portability, first you'll need to get an MNP Reservation Number (MNP予約番号, MNP yoyaku bangou). Reservation numbers are available through providers' websites and telephone hotlines, but if your Japanese is limited, the most straightforward route to a Reservation Number is a visit to your local cellphone shop.

First, to acquire the number, you need to visit a shop of the provider you are moving away from. If you are on a normal contract, the process will be fast and painless; you'll have an MNP Reservation in a few minutes, and you won't have to pay anything up front. In fact, you won't have to pay anything at all until you use the number. When you do, the charge for the number (usually 2100 yen) will appear on your final bill from the provider you are moving away from. (If you haven't already, make sure you know what kind of [LINK]Early Termination of Contract fees, if any, will apply when you move away from your current provider.)

If you have a [LINK]prepaid phone, things are a little more complicated. Actually, prepaid users can only get an MNP Reservation from a cellphone shop. That means you can't get it online or by calling. It takes about 30 minutes to an hour to process a prepaid cellphone request, since the local shop will have to call the provider headquarters in Tokyo; the request will be processed in the head office, and the time it takes will vary according to the availability of a support technician to process your request.

Also, since prepaid customers don't receive bills, you'll have to pay for the MNP Reservation up front and in cash. If you end up not using the MNP Reservation Number and/or it expires, it will take time and effort to get that money back. (You'll have to visit the exact same shop you made the request at, file a claim for the money, then wait again while that is processed. If you let the MNP Reservation expire, it is up to the shop whether they will allow you to reclaim the money or not.)

You noticed me say "expire" in that last paragraph, right? MNP Reservations are only valid for 15 days from the date of your request. If you don't use the reservation within that time period, it becomes invalid and you'll have to request another.

Once you have the reservation (a long string of digits), just show it to the new provider you want to sign up with. The easiest (and best deal) is to just sign up for a brand new contract with a brand new handset. Most handsets are nearly free when you sign up with MNP, and there is no charge at the new provider for using an MNP Reservation during signup.

For those interested, here are the applicable phone numbers and web portals for requesting MNP Reservation Numbers outside a shop:

• au 
• Telephone: 0077-75470 (9:00-20:00)
• EZweb: [TOP]→[auお客さまサポート]→[申し込む／変更する]→[携帯電話番号ポータビリティ(MNP)] (9:00-21:30)
• Docomo
•  Telephone: 151 (from a Docomo cell) (9:00-20:00)
•  Telephone: 0120-800-000 (9:00-20:00)
•  i-mode: 各種お申込・お手続き　iMenu→お客様サポート→ お申込・お手続き→各種お申込・お手続き→手続き開始（ログイン）→ネットワーク暗証番号入力→各種手続き→携帯電話番号ポータビリティ予約
•  Internet: My docomo（http://www.mydocomo.com/）→ ログイン→ 各種お申込・お手続き→ 携帯電話番号ポータビリティ予約
•  Softbank
•  Telephone: *5533 (from a Softbank cell) (9:00-20:00)
•  Telephone: 0800-100-5533 (9:00-20:00)
•  Yahoo! Keitai: [TOP]→[設定・申込（My SoftBank）]→[各種変更手続き]→[MNP予約関連手続き] (9:00-21:30)

Related:
Cellphones Guide

Mobile Number Portability

Mobile Number Portability (携帯電話番号ポータビリティ―, keitai denwa bangou pootabiritii) is a system imposed by Japanese government legislation since late 2006. The system allows cellphone users to migrate between cellular service providers without changing their telephone number.

Mobile Number Portability (MNP) works like this:
Say you have a cellphone contract with Company A. But maybe you hate Company A passionately, or your new girlfriend has her cellphone with Company B. So, you want to change to Company B and take advantage of their great unlimited calling plan. But, all your friends and coworkers already call you on your current phone number and it seems like it would be a huge hassle to have to tell everyone your new number.

The MNP legislation gives you a right to keep your digits, even if you move to a new provider. It works by requesting an MNP Reservation Number (MNP予約番号, MNP yoyaku bangou) at your current provider.

However, there are some restrictions as to when and where you can use MNP. [LINK]Check out my really convoluted story of getting an MNP number to get an idea of what is and isn't possible.

Related:
Cellphones Guide

Elementary School: The Hello Song vs. "Anything OK"

Those of us teaching English will have reams of stories complaining about the repetitive things we have to do. Read and repeat after Mr Dom, read and repeat...

One of the worst cases for me was The Bloody Hello Song. Last year I taught elementary students one day a week. I loved it and desperately want to do it again. But one thing I don't miss was the shockingly bad

Hell-o-o! Hell-o-o!

Hell-o-o how are you?

I'm fine, I'm fine

And I hope that you are too!

x3, then x3 again with a stupid "gesture dance". At the start of every single lesson.



This was a perfect example of the worst side of teaching in Japan - when all control is removed and the gaijin must perform!

Don't get me wrong, I really love teaching and I don't mind following a set plan one way or another. When it all falls apart is when you're forced to perform in a certain fashion; whether it's to sing one of these awful songs (sometimes to annoying American backing tracks and sometimes cold), or painfully act out some skit with a homeroom teacher with less English than the students. The whole flow breaks down, progress is halted and it's nothing but embarrassing for everyone.

Elementary worked best when it was just me - when the homeroom teacher stood back and only chipped in when needed. It was at its worst when he or she butted-in to explain in Japanese what was intended to be organically learned, or worse just repeated my lines several times.

Maybe they were just inexperienced teaching with an ALT (me). It was the first year it had been done in this way, and several of the teachers were virtually shitting themselves - literally shaking like a leaf for the whole lesson. But for this particular school there was as-good-as a script for each lesson. All the teacher needed to do was chime in from time to time and not screw up my bit. I'd say two-thirds of them managed that.

However, I also worked at a different elementary. This one was very small (only one class per grade) and the English-level of the teachers was abysmal. I'd teach two classes there. The first was a case of "repeat after me" and used a missplaced textbook.

The second was something all teachers will shudder at the sound of: "anything OK". It took several classes of the teacher turning to me at the start and saying "Free lesson!" for me to understand quite what was happening. It turns out he was so scared that he wouldn't even try to teach English. The first few times I replied with "huh?", after which he would turn to the class and shout "janken champion!". The rest of the lesson would be one big game of rock-paper-scissors in Japanese. Once I cottoned-on I started to prep proper classes for them. That was fine - it's fun. But those words will forever haunt me... "Mr Dom... free lesson!"

So what have we learned? Well, it doesn't seem to matter whether you have complete control or are entirely directed, you're still a very difficult tool to use. Be prepared for this and plan for every eventuality. If you're in control, have a backup lesson planned in case everything falls apart (at least a game or something). If you aren't, be prepared anyway just in case it turns out that you actually are. Lose all self-consciousness or you won't get through the Hello Song with your sanity intact, and make sure that you never have to revert to the pathetic Janken Champion.